balcexyz (2)
the hassle of constant progress (and maybe a realization as to why i'm not updating my website at all)

For the past several months, I have have been planning to write a new blog post, just to give my website a sort of refreshment. I have made drafts, left them abandoned, went on with half-assed plans that have since went unfulfilled. It is a very frustrating process that would make way for some sort of constant progress in whatever craft I'm planning to work on.

Involving this process is a lot of self-questioning, as well as countless thought into which parts would be included in said output.

I think I have arrived to some reasons as to why I think this is a problem:

⦿ lack of earnest dedication
I have underestimated the definition of the word "earnest". It is a word that lies between "passionate" and "sincere" -- when both words aren't striking descriptors to be used. It is rather odd that I would insist my own way in some aspects, but don't to account the seriousness that I hold with those decisions (but might be just a reasoning as somewhat-of-a-juvenile).

⦿ being too full of myself
Of course, we have to hit the balance here. I can't be too serious either. While there may be much years left in my life, I hold no entitlement or weight into whatever my hands have forged. And even if one may be better than the other, they're all equivalent in their inherent (and not their perceived) value.

the necessity of constant input & output
There are a lot of random things that I have done in the past few weeks/months that I have been planning to write about:

• My failed attempt at soldering a new headphone plug to a (working) headphone
• My attempts at making pasta
• And so much more ideas that have yet to be in tangible form

And I do have realized that there is more that I can bring to the table only if (and only if) I do start to give a fuck. Fantasies of achievement or mere success are only attained if I ever do something.


Which is why the act of Constant Input & Output is necessary. It's not based on the feeling of being "productive" but rather getting something accomplished by the day, on a set list of tasks intended for that timeframe.

While the idea of "Going-Your-Own-Way" paves for novelty, the act of discipline goes a long way for intended seriousness.

Unless writing is the primary endeavor, I wouldn't get to share anything if I haven't really...really, really done anything.

So maybe I could get to remind myself at least one last time. Because I might ever get trapped again in a success I haven't earned yet.

posted mar 19, 2023